The king is dead... so stop spotting him!

Welcome to Graceland, the fabled home of Elvis Presley. That’ll be 25 dollars, please. Plus 8 for parking. Was it worth it? Well, sort of, for two reasons.

Graceland, rather than being the bombastic crazed place you expect, is quite modest and down to earth. It reminds you, for 24 dollars, that Elvis was really just like you and me. Only talented and far richer. Luckily, one or two rooms in the house, such as the jungle room, remind you that he was also a coke-addled fiend.

Really, its like there are two Elvises (Elvii?). One suave, sexy, mold-breaking musician with seemingly limitless talent. The other was a fat stupid slob in a caped jumpsuit who marries people like my mother (Side note: My mother, like Elvis, has a gold lamé dress). But, I have to give credit to the wonderfully exorbitant trophy room with literally hundreds of gold and platinum records and cassettes.

Yeah, I didn’t know they did gold cassettes either.

The other perk was the sociological aspect. The people who come to worship Elvis. I can’t think of a better place to people-watch, especially on the shuttle used to cross the street from the ticket pavilion to the mansion. Yes, a shuttle that crosses the street. All four lanes.

After leaving the mansion and trophy room, you may explore his car collection or go inside his two private jets. I presume the extra plane and cars was for all his impersonators. Conversely, you may shop in any of the 11 gift shops on the Graceland complex, each with a subtle variation on the “Buy me in lieu of a social life!” theme. Would you be interested in a replica of his caped jumpsuit for $2,000. No, that’s too expensive for your average white trash. How about your name on a pen for 10 bucks? I didn’t even check the price on Elvis Yahtzee.

But in all fairness, I’ll come clean: I was this close to buying this nice black t-shirt with a white floral ‘Elvis’ logo. Think Hollister, except unoriginal and hypercommercialized. Oh, wait…

Unfortunately, I was unable to buy a shirt, seeing they were all XL or above.

So, should you visit Graceland? Absolutely. It’s like a 33 buck therapy session, in that you walk out feeing great about yourself, until you realized that you too paid to get in.